How to Heal
by DarklitFaery86
Summary: Losing a friend is one of the hardest things that a person can face. How do you deal with it? How do you pick up the pieces of your shattered heart and move on?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon, or any of the characters. Don't sue me – I has no money.**

**Also: I haven't written fanfiction in a very long time. So please don't attack me and threaten to murder me, 'kay? This will be slightly AU – okay, very AU. Hope you enjoy!**

This could not be happening.

Usagi stood in the parking lot of the church, her feet literally frozen to the ground. Her body was numb and unmoving, despite her brain's desperate pleas for her to turn around and run back to the car. She inhaled deeply, and exhaled slowly, hoping that the breathing technique would somehow calm her nerves. She closed her big blue eyes and lifted her head to the skies. It was night out. A perfect setting for this moment. Sure, she would run into old classmates and the sort, and everyone would gush over each other and talk about "catching up" and how this was a "horrible way for a reunion". And Usagi didn't want to hear any of it. She stared up at the moon and tried to recall Naru's vibrant smile, and found that she couldn't even do that at the moment.

Nothing came to her mind, except the soul-crushing agony that attacked her body.

It had been a week ago when she got the news. The memory of that morning would be forever etched in her memory. And no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't push the memory out of her head. It kept playing over and over like a DVD that stuck continuously on "play".

_Usagi was busy in her kitchen preparing coffee and breakfast for her little family. Chibi-Usa squealed in delight whenever her little kitten, Diana, would bounce around chasing after one of her toddler's toys. Mamoru laughed at kept the child's attention so Usagi could peacefully do her morning routine. She glanced at the window and smiled. It was a bright sunny day – and Usagi loved these kinds of days. It meant that they could take Chibi-Usa to the playground and let her burn off the ungodly amount of energy the little one had. Not only would she love playing, but Usagi was going to pack a picnic for the three of them to enjoy for lunch. And then they would bring a loaf of bread with them to go to the pond to feed the ducks, and Chibi-Usa absolutely loved watching the ducks waddle around. Until one of them got too close, of course, and then she would run behind her father's legs and cry until it went away._

_Yep, today was going to be a good day._

_The sound of Usagi's phone ringing brought her attention away from the window, and she pushed her hair away from her ear to listen to whoever was on the other side._

"_Hello?"_

_Not many parts of the conversation stuck in her head. All she could catch was "Naru" and "car accident" and "I'll call with the arrangements". Usagi stared out into space after the other side of the call went dead, keeping the phone to her ear. The sounds of her daughter's laughter seemed to slink back further and further away, and all she could hear were the muted sounds of Mamoru asking what was going on. Her heart thudded heavily in her chest, and it was suddenly getting hard to breathe. With her hands shaking, she grabbed the sides of the kitchen counter, letting the phone fall to the floor. Her entire body was shaking – tears falling down the sides of her face._

"_Mamo-chan…. Oh my God, Mamo-chan, Naru's dead…" Usagi managed to squeak the last two words out, and finally giving into the pain that was radiating through her, her knees buckled and she collapsed against Mamoru's chest, sobbing hard as her heart shattered into a thousand pieces._

"Usako?" Mamoru whispered as he walked up beside her, placing a hand gently around her waist.

Usagi opened her eyes, her face contorting with pain, and her blue orbs filling up with tears. "I… I can't do this, I can't. I can't see her…" she swallowed painfully, swiping at her eyes angrily.

Mamoru didn't say anything. There was nothing he could say. He knew nothing in this world could make her feel any better, and it was killing him. He hated to see her so upset, so broken… but nothing would make this pain any better. Instead, he tightened his arm around her, and led her inside of the church.

Usagi stood at the coffin and placed a hand over her mouth. Tears started falling again, and she was struggling to catch her breath. In her heart, she had secretly hoped that this was some sort of a sick twisted joke, but it wasn't. It was true. Naru really was dead. And there was nothing in this world that could ever bring her dear friend back. With a shaking hand, she reached out and ran her fingers through her soft red hair, and lightly brushed her cheek with the back of her fingers.

"She's so cold…" she whispered, and inhaled a shaky breath. "It's not right. Naru's not supposed to be cold, she was always so full of love, and life…" She closed her eyes tightly and opened them again, looking at her friend once more.

Her hair had been styled as normal. She was in a very lovely white and pink dress, with a scarf wrapped around her neck. White gloves with pink floral print covered her hands, and a single rose was placed in between her fingers. To anyone else, they may think she looked peaceful, like the dead usually do. But Usagi knew better. This looked nothing like her Naru.

The reason for the scarf is because her neck had been broken when her air bag released. No one wanted to see the deep bruises all around it. Her chin looked like it was resting directly on her chest – again, thanks to her neck being broken. Her hands were elevated above her body, not resting peacefully against her. Her hands had been severely crushed from gripping the steering wheel. They, too, were severely bruised. And that is why her parents chose to put the gloves on. Moving to her face, Usagi's heart broke. Naruo wore very minimal make up, but the mortician decided that she needed a horrible shade of bright red lipstick on her lips, due to the fact that she bit off most of her bottom lip in the impact. At least they could have drawn her lips on to make them look more natural.

Usagi couldn't take it anymore.

"I can't do this, I'm sorry, I can't—" Usagi said and quickly turned away, making her way back outside. Once at the car, she ripped the door open and slammed it shut, sobbing harshly into her arms. This wasn't fair. Her best friend – a person who was like her sister – was gone, and she was never coming back. And she was angry.

She was angry that her friend wasn't coming back, but she was more angry with the person who ran her off the road. The person said it was an accident, that he didn't see her. But the wreck was also at night, so how could a person not see headlights?! It didn't make any sense, and the more sense she tried to make of it, the more insane she went because there was no way to make sense of it!

Usagi had been told that she died quickly – after all, when the air bag deployed not only was her neck broken, but the impact crushed her ribs. Not only that, but the main artery to her brain had been severed, so she never "felt any pain". And Usagi tried to find comfort in that, but she couldn't! Because of the simple fact that the other person hit her, it sent her car flying across the lane and into oncoming traffic, where she slammed head on into another car. She had to be scared. Usagi remembered Naru being afraid to drive at first, but eventually loved the freedom.

She screamed and slammed her fists onto the dashboard, hoping that she could physically release some of the agony taking over her at the moment.

**Tbc…**

**Thank you for reading this, and I hope you stay tuned for the next chapter!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon or any of the characters. Please support the official release and watch the anime – it's awesome. Especially subbed.**

**Thank you all so much for the reviews! It really means a lot to me. My best friend was killed 2-11-12, and I'm writing this as another way to ease the pain. I miss her so much, and I feel like she'd be proud (or wanting to kill me herself) if she were here to read this.**

**Note: I can't exactly remember what happened to the inner Senshi's families, so I'm just going off of what I think happened. But after all – it's fanfiction right?!**

The day of the funeral was going to be the most hardest day the Usagi had faced in her entire life. How was she supposed to say goodbye forever? Friends weren't supposed to die. Friends were supposed to stay forever; they were supposed to grow old with you so you could chase each other in the nursing homes with your walking sticks while playing pranks on the nurses. Naru was supposed to experience the joys of life that Usagi had – falling in love with a wonderful man and giving birth to a beautiful child that would become the love of her life.

But none of that was going to happen. After seeing Naru laying cold and lifeless in that coffin, Usagi felt like a piece of her had died right along with her. Would she ever recover from this? At the moment, she very much didn't feel like she would. She remembered when Mamoru had lost one of his friends in a car accident six years ago. It was the first time she had seen him cry, and her heart ached for him. All she wanted to do was hold him until the pain went away. She felt helpless and powerless, because she knew there was nothing she could do to make it any better.

And Mamoru probably felt that way about her right now.

But after a few days, Mamoru seemed to be doing better. He was getting up, going to work, taking care of what he had to do. Usagi tried to think of falling back into her usual routine, but found that she couldn't. Any time she tried to smile, she felt so wrong. After all, why should she be smiling and happy when Naru would never smile again? She felt so guilty for wanting to be happy and move on, but at the same time she didn't want to move on. She didn't want to leave Naru's memory behind and go on with her life as normal.

When they pulled to the grave side, it had started to rain. Was it Naru? Was her soul crying in the afterlife for everyone hurting right now? Was she touched to see that she was loved and missed by so many people? Was she crying because she was envious that she had to leave this world? Or was it just a coincidence and mother nature decided that it was going to rain that day? Usagi honestly didn't know. The weather report was on before they left, but she mostly had the television on for noise instead of entertainment.

They stood in the back behind everyone else. Usagi couldn't handle seeing Naru's mother or her other relatives.

"Losing a child is never easy. I have a fourteen year old son myself, and I couldn't imagine what I would do with myself if I were to lose him," the preacher spoke to Naru's mother, and Usagi looked up to show that she was paying attention.

"What you have to remember is that this was not an act of God – God did not cause this to happen. This happened because of a human error. We can't blame God for this. But we also can't hold anger against the one who caused this. One day, we will have to find a way to forgive him, because he's dealing with this too."

_I can't forgive him. He killed her. He killed my best friend._

"When we pray, we'll keep his family in our thoughts as well. Because his life has changed forever, as well as the lives of his family."

_Good, he deserves to live with this. He deserves to be sitting in jail and be forced to stare at her picture._

The preacher led everyone into prayer, and Usagi lowered her head, but kept her eyes open. Her hands were shaking, and she bit down onto her lip to keep herself from crying. She wouldn't cry in front of everyone, and bring attention onto herself. After all, this was Naru's funeral – everyone's full attention needed to be on her family, and not her friend.

Everyone walked up to give the family their condolences and hugs, but Usagi grabbed Mamoru's hand and with a pleading expression, went back to their car. Usagi just couldn't face them. Not now.

The days following the funeral seemed to be a dream. The minutes rolled into hours, and hours rolled into days. Usagi got up, she prepared breakfast for Chibi-Usa and Mamoru, she took care of things that she needed to take care, prepared dinner for everyone, tucked Chibi-Usa into bed, and fell asleep herself. And the next day she did the same thing. And the next day, the same thing again. Usagi didn't even know what the date was, and she honestly didn't care. Apparently, Minako, Rei, Ami, and Makato were beyond worried about her, so they decided to come over and see how things were going.

Makato was in the kitchen baking cookies, Rei was concocting one her favorite herbal teas, and Ami and Minako were sitting beside Usagi, playing with a very hyper Chibi-Usa chasing around a very hyper little kitten.

"Diana's so full of energy, even poor Luna and Artemis look like they're exhausted," Minako smiled and Usagi, but it slowly vanished. Usagi was curled up in the chair, knees her to chest and staring at the television. Some weird talk show was on about DNA tests and lie detectors. Minako highly doubted that Usagi was actually paying attention to it.

"Usagi," Ami spoke softly. "I wish there was something that we could do to make you feel better."

"Honestly?" Usagi spoke, and nearly everyone, including the cats and bouncy toddler, stopped to stare at her. "There… isn't really anything you can do."

"It'll ease in time, I promise,"

"I think we've all lost someone close to us. Rei lost her parents, Makato lost her father, Minako never knew her parents, Ami lost her father…"

"You don't get it!" Usagi stared at the group. She sighed heavily and slumped down in the chair, bringing her hand to her face to rub her eyes. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "It just hurts."

The group stared at each other, unsure of what to say. None of them had ever seen her this upset, at least not since that time a few years ago when she and Mamoru broke up. They didn't think she would recover from it, but Fate intervened and the two of them eventually came back together.

"I think I'm going to go lay down. Can you watch Chibi-Usa?" Usagi sighed and stood up, heading to her room without waiting for an answer. When she shut the bedroom door behind her, she glanced around her room. On the dresser were a picture of she and Naru from the first grade, chubby faces smiling at the camera and holding up ice cream cones. Another picture was of the two of them before the school talent show in fourth grade, when Naru decided she wanted to try to do her hair up like Usagi's. The later picture, a picture of the two of them giving a "peace" sign right after their high school graduation

"_You know, I'm still baffled as to how you passed!" Naru stuck her tongue out at her friend and giggled._

Usagi smiled sadly and gripped the clothing over her heart.

"Because," she whispered to no one, "you were always there."


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon or any of the characters.**

**This is the final chapter. I knew it was short going into this, and I thank you all for your kind words, both about the story, and about Nicole. It has been 8 months since Nicole was killed, and I do miss her dearly. Some days it is very easy to be "normal", but sometimes I'll see an old conversation we had or hear a song that reminds me of her, and I'll cry, but then I smile because connected to those songs and conversations are wonderful memories that I will never forget. I try to keep her memory alive as much as I can, mostly for her daughter, Raine. Raine is 5 now and she knows Mommy is in heaven and is watching over her. Again, thank you all for everything!**

Usagi tossed and turned in her sleep, a dream playing out in her subconscious. She was dreaming of Naru again, but this dream was different. In this one, she was right there beside her when the accident happened, screaming, crying, begging – everything she could do in her power to try to not only convince her friend to not get into the vehicle, but to also try to keep her alive. Nothing she did worked – in the end, Naru still died, and Usagi's heart broke even more. Usagi was hugging her friend's body to herself, sobbing against her hair while begging God to bring her back when a blinding white light filled her vision. Usagi winced and covered her eyes, wondering what in the world was going on.

Then suddenly, she was sitting on a swing set. Tilting her head to the side, Usagi looked around and recognized the area. She was at her old elementary school and sitting in her favorite swing.

"Do you remember when that boy pushed you out? He was so mean." Naru looked at her and smiled, taking a seat beside her.

Usagi gasped and gripped the chains connecting the seat to the top of the bar. With her heart racing in her ears, eyes wide in wonder, and about a thousand and four thoughts racing through her mind, she leaned forward slightly to stare closely Naru. Moments before, she was holding her bruised and bloody body in her arms, and now she was standing before her with absolutely no injuries what so ever. Her fiery red was formed in ringlets to frame her flawless face, and she was wearing the same dress that she had been buried in.

"Uh…" were the only coherent words that she was able to squeeze out other than the occasional "what" and "huh?".

Naru giggled and playfully shoved Usagi. "Come on! You are always the one that's so cheerful!" Naru's face went from angelic smile to serious within seconds. "I don't like seeing you so sad. My heart is breaking."

Usagi bit down onto her lower lip to keep herself from crying. "I don't like the fact that you're dead," she whispered and looked down at the ground, kicking the dirt around with her foot. She glanced back up at Naru, tears shining in her dull blue eyes. "My heart _is_ breaking! I just keep thinking that maybe, just maybe, if medical personnel had gotten to you earlier, you would—"  
She paused when she saw Naru shaking her head. "What? No?"

"Usagi…" Naru sighed. "There was nothing that anyone could do. Between the air bag and the collision itself, I didn't even feel anything. I closed my eyes when I saw the headlights of the other car, and within mere seconds…" She smiled and Usagi knew that her mind was off in another place, while she was there, feeling as if she were about to pass out from the pain. "I can't explain it. It all falls into place. And I'm not gone, you goof. I'm always with you. I see everything you do," she tilted her head to the side. "Okay, not everything!" She giggled. "I'd much rather not see you in the bathroom or your bedroom," she gave Usagi a playful wink, and for the first time in weeks, Usagi found herself blushing and giggling right along with her friend. But once she noticed she was just a tiny bit happy, she stopped.

"What's wrong, Usagi?"

With sad eyes, she looked down at the ground, pulling one of her ponytails in front of her face and playing with her hair while she stared off into space. "Because, you're not here anymore. We'll never have this again, and it hurts. I miss you so much, and," she paused to take in a shaky breath, wiping a few tears off of her cheeks. "And, it just hurts. I want you back more than anything in this world." She looked at Naru.

"Usagi… I don't want to be back there. That life is just… so hard. And here? I'm so much happier here. Not that I don't miss you, of course!" she added quickly. "There is no sadness, there is no pain, everything is absolutely perfect. Usagi, I know you don't want to hear this, but you have _got_ to move on with your life. You're still alive, and you need to keep living. You can't stop living because I have. Your daughter needs you, your husband needs you… do you get it? I don't want you to be sad for me. I want you to remember everything we did – the good and the bad – and keep on living. And besides—" she winked mischievously at Usagi. "—You'll never be without me!"

"But I want you back, and—"

"Hush! I don't wanna hear it!" She stuck her tongue out at Usagi and jumped from the swing. A bright light shone down on the ground, and Naru was running towards it. But before she stepped into the light, she turned around and faced Usagi one last time. "Please, stop putting your life on hold. I love you, always!" With a wave of the hand and a step in the light, Naru was gone.

Usagi's eyes shot open and she glanced around the darkened room. Tilting her head to the right, she saw Chibi-Usa sleeping soundly in her crib, and Usagi felt her heart clench. She honestly couldn't recall the last time she actually played with her daughter. And that made a whole new pain go through her chest. Turning her head to the right, she watched Mamoru's sleeping form. He looked peaceful in his sleep – quite angelic, and very beautiful. The most beautiful man in this world – but then again, she was kind of biased in that choice. Sighing softly to herself, she rolled over onto her side and snuggled against Mamoru's warmth. He murmured in his sleep and opened his arms to embrace her, nuzzling his face against her hair and breathing in her scent. Usagi whispered an "I'm sorry" against his chest and wrapped her arm around him. She placed a gentle kiss to his chest and closed her eyes, and fell almost immediately into a dreamless sleep.

**Six months later**

"Are you sure you're ready to do this?" Mamoru asked as he shut the door to the car and joined Usagi at the entrance of the cemetery. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

"Daddy kiss mommy!" Chibi-Usa giggled and clung to Usagi's leg. Usagi laughed softly and patted her daughter's pink hair.

"Yes, daddy did kiss mommy," she gave Mamoru the small bouquet of flowers so she could pick her daughter up. She brought the toddler to her chest and hugged her close, giving her a kiss on the forehead. "And _now_ mommy kissed Chibi!" She smiled and looked to her husband. "You can hold her for a few moments right?"

When Mamoru nodded, she passed the child to him, hearing a squeal of "Daaaaaaaaaaddy!" when he spun her around in his circle so they could "dance".

Usagi's smile vanished as she turned to look for the Naru's grave. Exhaling slowly, she narrowed her eyes and forced herself to walk towards the small headstone with the little angel statue beside it. Once there, she knelt down, clutching the flowers to her chest and using her free hand to trace Naru's name on the headstone.

"Hey. Hope you're getting a kick out of everything lately. Chibi-Usa has grown so much. I hope you liked the dress she was wearing for our family photo session last week – it was your dress after all. Your mother had it put up just in case—" she choked on her words and swallowed harshly "—just in case you had a daughter of your own one day." She shifted her weight to her other foot, placing the flowers on the ground in front of the headstone.

"It isn't easy, living without you here, but I'm doing it. I start off every morning playing with Chibi to give myself a reason to smile. And then I fall into my pattern of my everyday life, and it is amazingly easy at how I don't have to pretend to be happy. Because I _am_ happy. After all, I have the most wonderful guardian angel out there, right?" the sound of Chibi-Usa crying for her caught her attention. Usagi shook her head and smiled.

"I have to go. I love you and miss you always. Oh! Happy birthday. I hope you like the flowers."

As Usagi was walking back to her family, she felt a light rain drop hit her face. Glancing up, the heavens suddenly released a light drizzle, and Usagi smiled softly. She knew it had to be Naru, and the tears were not of sorrow – they were of joy. They were out of joy because Usagi finally realized that she had to move on with her life, and that she had to keep living. Time does not heal all wounds – it just makes it easier for you to cope with. Just a because a person is dead physically, it does not mean that they are gone forever. They live within us, inside of our hearts, and every time our hearts beat, we will smile with happiness with knowing that they are alive and perfectly fine within us. They walk with us every step of the way, and we are never alone.

**Fin.**

**Hope you all enjoyed this, as much as I enjoyed writing it. Look for a new fic within the week! It is going to be Sailor Moon based and this time slightly AU. It's going to take place in the Moon Kingdom, but… well, you'll just have to keep a check back and see! Thank you all so much!**


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